Thoughts from the balcony

James and I popped  into london on Thursday night to go to Hammersmith  Apollo.

The concert was one that I was particularly excited about, as it was Tori Amos.

 To fill you in, Tori Amos was the first artist that I really felt connected to as a teenager. Her music and raw, emotional, lyrical content totally inspired me as a young girl.

 I followed her music from her first single (on tape!) right through to her current album. 

 Something within me leapt when I first heard her music. Little did I know at that point in time, that I would discover my own desire to write and create my own music.

 It was a few years after discovering her new 'sound' that God started to reveal to me my own gift and desire to write and sing. 

 I had always loved to sing, but just along to other artists. I  distinctly remember the day  when I felt God whisper to me that he wanted me to write songs and sing for him.

 I didn't feel I had a gift, I had never written lyrics as such and I certainly didn't feel confident to do so....but it started to flow. 

 I started by simply writing down my emotional and spiritual journeys. They slowly  adapted to become lyrics. 

 To cut a long story short, I eventually found myself in a band, singing my songs to crowds all over west wales. I sung in our local pubs, school assemblies, church events, all sorts. I am not a naturally confident performer, and I know that God gave me  the strength to do this. It certainly wasn't done in  own strength!

 Time went on and I am still writing songs. I do still feel that there is more to come in that area, but I am unsure as to when or how.

 So, we arrived at the Apollo, eager to find our seats and see the show. 

It was a very strange feeling, watching Tori perform. The songs were so familiar to me. It was kind of hard to engage that it was actually her singing them-live! Anyone that knows me well, would easily associate Tori's music with me.

 We sat listening and enjoying the show.  I am a bit of a people watcher, I must confess, I find watching others an interesting task. I guess it helps, to notice other peoples body language and gestures, given that I am studying to be a  Counselor. 

 I sat observing a couple in front of me. ( It was hard not to really, as they were very enthusiastic and kept moving and chatting , head bobbing and kissing!) They were clearly excited by Tori's presence. 

 At one point the girl in front wiped a few tears from her eyes. It got me thinking...

Here was I,  who had followed Toris music from a very young age, loved her voice, her style, her music-(not always her lyrical content but hey!) and to anyone else, perhaps observing me at that time, would have possibly no idea as to how I was feeling at that time.

 I was pretty tired, hungry, a little rushed as we had caught the slow train by accident. I was sitting quietly, appreciating the experience in a contemplative state. Aside from the odd smile or gentle foot tap to the rhythm, I may not have looked very enthusiastic. But I was. 

 I have never been  a 'star struck' sort of person, who gets completely emotional,  screamy and crazy at the sight of a celebrity - apart from one time when we spotted Bruce willis in spain, but that was more of an unexpected squeal! :-)

To me, they are people, just like you or I,  doing a job, but in the public eye. There is nothing more special about them. 

I did however find myself wanting to be closer to the stage so that I could get a  better view and a closer look at Tori, getting lost in her music. 

 My camera wasn't able to take good photos and it was a little frustrating. The girl in front of us, got out of her seat to take a photo from the balcony. I sat still, continuing to enjoy the music.

 Then a thought came to me, If it was Jesus on that stage, I know I would be behaving differently.... If I was not at the front, I would be fighting to get there! 

If I couldn't see him well enough, I would be doing everything within my power to get as close as I could! To me, he is my hero! I am a BIG fan....and it is not in a wordly admiration sense. He doesn't  just inspire me in one area, he is my inspiration!

Tori, as much as I love her music,  has a totally different performing agenda. She brings glory to herself and her musicians as she sings.. I found myself wanting to sing and perform, to bring glory to Jesus. I wanted to be singing about him and pointing people to his face, his fame, his glory. My desire is to draw people closer to him...There is no one I admire more than him.