Transparent

Here I am,

standing before thee.

Nothing hidden,

nothing kept.

Here I am, tears make their path,

down my dusty face.

Tried and tested,

Here I am.

Desperate and thirsty,

longing for more. 

Fill me!

Here I stand, 

questioning your reasons,

for choosing a daughter

like me.

Words I can not muster,

thoughts I cant find.

Thankful.

My depths in your arms become like shallow waters.

You see my standing,

You see my sitting,

You know the framework within.

You placed my heart here,

You placed my soul,

You breathed your life into me.

Dry bones,

was all I was, when you reached out your hand.

I was as dry as the hot sand in the desert.

Waters, so living, now fill my soul,

Cooling the pain.

The pain I feel,

for the lost,

the broken,

the confused,

the angry,

the hurting...

Reach down dear Lord,

touch my heart once again,

reassure my heart with your  hope.

For I am transparent before thee.

Nothing hidden,

nothing kept.

Lord,

your will be done...

Puzzled..

Do you ever feel like 

you are only seeing

part

of the picture?

1 Corinthians 13:12 

¹² Now we see things imperfectly as in a cloudy mirror, but then we will see everything with perfect clarity. All that I know now is partial and incomplete, but then I will know everything completely, just as God now knows me completely.

This is how I am feeling recently.

Like I am holding a few pieces 

of a 

puzzle

in my hand.

Looking at them,

studying them,

but not seeing the

bigger picture.

James 1:5 

⁵If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him.

I keep seeing a 

part

of the 

bigger picture.

My 

heart

identifies

with it having

Gods

fingerprint

on

it,

Yet,

I cant see it all..

I keep seeing 

his 

rainbow

But not just

one 

rainbow,

but

two

I see the words 

Double portion

written in the skies,

I sense

his

blessing

yet,

I am unsure 

of what.

I hear his

voice

calling,

'Take a leap with me,

jump

into the unknown.

trust 

my hand,

holds yours."

Hebrews 11

By Faith We Understand

 ¹ Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.

So,

until I get handed 

more pieces

of my

lifes

puzzle,

I will

remain,

at 

His

Feet

with 

my ears 

listening,

my heart

praying,

my 

lips

praising,

my 

eyes

focused.

I 

encourage 

you to,

If you feel

this way,

hang on,

keep praying,

keep asking,

keep seeking,

keep 

faithful.

He will

  answer.

A New year! Welcome 2010!

  
 Happy new year everyone! I hope you are refreshed and happy in the start of this new year!
Its been a funny start, all this snow has forced the schools to close and as James also works at a school, it meant that we are all home. enjoying family time still! - extended holidays!
 We spent yesterday building snowmen and chucking snowballs at one another, followed by a visit from a friend, who lives up the road, bringing gifts-warm homemade carrot and corriander soup! 


As the schools only opened for 2 days, I havn't really had a spare moment to sit and reflect on 2009, or plan out what I would like to do this new year. Myself and a friend, who pray together, spent some time reflecting and thanking God for all that happened in 2009. But I havn't really sat down alone, to pray and hear from God about what he would have me do in this year. A lot of things from 2009 will continue, I am still studying my Biblical Counseling course, that is studied at home, via email format, so I can do it at my own pace. 
 I have been challenged to throw myself into using my talents and gifts more effectively. I tend to shy away from doing and sharing some things, but I do feel stirred to be more creative and giving of those things this year. We will see what comes from that.


 We had a lovely christmas and a quiet, family filled New year. I pray that God blesses each and everyone of you this coming year. May we grow in truth, may we grow in God. May we be unafraid, full of peace and hope at what the future holds. I feel excited!


“Be imitators of God, therefore, as dearly loved children and live a life of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.”- Ephesians 5:1-2


Psalm 25:3
No one whose hope is in you will ever be put to shame!


Psalm 33:22
May your unfailing love rest upon us, O LORD, even as we put our hope in you.

 

We serve an amazing God!

We serve an amazing God! As a family, recently we have been ill. We spent a whole week in  our home, tucked up warmly, with blankets, T.V, and lots of sleep. We didnt feel well enough to eat much and so we just hid from the outside world for the week. Following this period we perked up a lot, but remained drained and tired from the previous week. James took time off work and the kids stayed home from school, so we had lots of time alone as a family. 

Today was Sunday and time for church, but I woke feeling achey and tired and in need of some quiet time alone, with my heavenly Father. So James and the girls dressed and head off to church and I stayed behind, keen to get some quality time, reading the word and praying.

I poured out my heart to God, telling him how I needed his strength and joy, how I longed to not be at sea. In the roughness of the darkened waves, tossing me to and fro. How I longed to have my feet firmly fixed on his rock & his firm foundations. As I prayed, I had an picture of a huge Eagle coming and opening her wings up around me, she scooped me under her wing and I was warm, safe and covered. 

I pondered on the fact that God says in his word, "I am."
 He is everything we need, when we need it! He is my Father, he is my protection, he is my strength when I am week, he is my light when it is dark. He is my Joy when I am down, he is my help when I am in trouble. He is everything I ever need.
 I suddenly thought about other so called Gods, carved out of wood or made of Gold. I saw in my mind a budda, with his arms crossed infront of him. He did not seem a welcoming idol to put my hope in and it seemed so silly to me that people serve a God who is not able to protect them, love them, feed them, comfort them. I was so blessed to serve and know my God! He is a God worth serving! 

I asked God to speak to me in his word as I prayed and I felt to turn to Isaiah 44. Within its text I smiled, as I read:

 “I am the First and the Last;
      there is no other God.
 7 Who is like me?
      Let him step forward and prove to you his power.
   Let him do as I have done since ancient times
      when I established a people and explained its future.
 8 Do not tremble; do not be afraid.
      Did I not proclaim my purposes for you long ago?
   You are my witnesses—is there any other God?
      No! There is no other Rock—not one!”

 9 How foolish are those who manufacture idols.
      These prized objects are really worthless.
   The people who worship idols don’t know this,
      so they are all put to shame.
 10 Who but a fool would make his own god—
      an idol that cannot help him one bit?
 11 All who worship idols will be disgraced
      along with all these craftsmen—mere humans—
      who claim they can make a god.
   They may all stand together,
      but they will stand in terror and shame.

 12 The blacksmith stands at his forge to make a sharp tool,
      pounding and shaping it with all his might.
   His work makes him hungry and weak.
      It makes him thirsty and faint.
 13 Then the wood-carver measures a block of wood
      and draws a pattern on it.
   He works with chisel and plane
      and carves it into a human figure.
   He gives it human beauty
      and puts it in a little shrine.
 14 He cuts down cedars;
      he selects the cypress and the oak;
   he plants the pine in the forest
      to be nourished by the rain.
 15 Then he uses part of the wood to make a fire.
      With it he warms himself and bakes his bread.
   Then—yes, it’s true—he takes the rest of it
      and makes himself a god to worship!
   He makes an idol
      and bows down in front of it!
 16 He burns part of the tree to roast his meat
      and to keep himself warm.
      He says, “Ah, that fire feels good.”
 17 Then he takes what’s left
      and makes his god: a carved idol!
   He falls down in front of it,
      worshiping and praying to it.
   “Rescue me!” he says.
      “You are my god!”

 18 Such stupidity and ignorance!
      Their eyes are closed, and they cannot see.
      Their minds are shut, and they cannot think.
 19 The person who made the idol never stops to reflect,
      “Why, it’s just a block of wood!
   I burned half of it for heat
      and used it to bake my bread and roast my meat.
   How can the rest of it be a god?
      Should I bow down to worship a piece of wood?”
 20 The poor, deluded fool feeds on ashes.
      He trusts something that can’t help him at all.
   Yet he cannot bring himself to ask,
      “Is this idol that I’m holding in my hand a lie?”

In contrast to the foolishness of serving Idols, We serve a God who not only made us, but knows us and longs to bless us!

 Isaiah 44:
 2 The Lord who made you and helps you says:
   Do not be afraid, O Jacob, my servant,
      O dear Israel, my chosen one.
 3 For I will pour out water to quench your thirst
      and to irrigate your parched fields.
   And I will pour out my Spirit on your descendants,
      and my blessing on your children.
 4 They will thrive like watered grass,
      like willows on a riverbank.
 5 Some will proudly claim, ‘I belong to the Lord.’
      Others will say, ‘I am a descendant of Jacob.’
   Some will write the Lord’s name on their hands
      and will take the name of Israel as their own.”

Thanks God! xx

Count it all joy?

Only a few days ago, I was thinking about how we tend to blog the good things that are gong on. 
Today I find myself, not in the greatest of places, struggling to stay a float.  Circumstances have been hard for a whille now, but God is faithful and has always come through. But some times there are days when you feel you just cant go on. Tired, drained, emotional, non- inspired, quite different to how you felt last week or even just yesterday, but somehow, you just feel 'done in.'
 Between James ans I this week, it has been a battle to stay joyful, up beat and full of hope. 
I had a bad day on sunday, where i couldnt stop crying.  James has also felt stressed, frustrated & heavy yesterday. Fortunately, I was OK yesterday, so able to help him see Gods hand in our circumstances and encourage him. He did the same for me when I was upset. Theres a verse in Ecclessiastes which says, 
 ' Two are better than one, 
       because they have a good return for their work:
 ¹⁰ If one falls down,
       his friend can help him up.
       But pity the man who falls
       and has no one to help him up!'
Its been a bit like that recently. One has been strong when the other is weak. 
I'm slightly unsure as to why things get so tough at times. But it becomes like an over powering wave, that decides to engulf you and bring you down.
 One thing I know, God remains the same. My fight is to keep my eyes fixed on his eyes, even though the storms will come, I keep my faith in him. 
He is always in control, so I want to hold onto the hem of his garment and not let go, until the storm is over.
 'Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and friend' Psalm 42.5

As for man, his days are like grass.

Last night Jessie-aged six years old now, came into the lounge crying.
"I miss my Nanny, I want her back!"
I looked at James. His Mum passed away almost 2 years ago.
Jessie had a good relationship with her Nanny.
Sue would visit 2 times a year, as she lived in Wales. We would do the same, taking Summer and christmas trips to the west coast of Wales.
We were always aware that Jessie had been affected and saddened by the loss of her Nanny, but as I held her and told her it was O.K to feel sad, It stirred my heart.
This life comes with many pains, strife and difficulties. It often throws us out of our comfort zones and forces us to view ourselves in the light of the bigger picture.
Life here is short. In the light of eternity, this life is just a passing moment. Yet for us, in our human state, experiencing pain, sorrow, grief, fear & loss it can consume us at times.
Here was a little girl, at the very young age of six, having to deal with the ache in her little heart of losing someone she loved dearly. Not fully understanding why and wanting to have her back.
"She is in heaven isn't she Mummy?" This thought gave her obvious comfort, but I could tell if the answer was not a 'yes' , it would leave her feeling hopeless. As that would mean, despite the pain she felt now, she would never see her Nanny again.
"Yes she is." I replied.
I encouraged Jessie to go and get her Lion king, a soft toy. Nanny had given it to Jessie in her final weeks. Jessie had once asked me if Nanny had given it to her because she knew she was going to die, so that Jessie would not forget her Nanny.
She went upstairs to get her Lion King.
James followed her upstairs. Together they looked through photographs and video clips of Jessie with her Nanny. A bit later on Jessie wanted to show me also.
We sat and looked through old pictures, memories and clips. There were also pictures of Jessie as a toddler, and of Ellie as a baby. Amusing clips of Jessie dancing and giggling with her cute, high pitched baby voice. Ellie, unable to sit alone, and sharing a bath for the first time with her 'big sister'.
Memories of wonderful family days and exciting beginnings flooded me. Every memory was precious. Seeing jessie on my lap. a much taller, leaner grown up six year old made me realize how quickly days pass.
Mixed emotions filled my heart as I looked at the past. Those days are now gone. I can not re live those moments. I can not turn back the clock and see, touch, hold, embrace those children, or the people we have loved and lost. They are only memories to me now. It evoked many thoughts and feelings within. It made me want to make the most of every present moment with my precious children. It stirred a sense of slight sadness for the days that had passed so quickly and it made me look to my heavenly Father for the comfort of his eternal love.
The knowledge of my eternal reward brought comfort to my earthly, fragile existence.
Whatever happens in this life. God is with us. He holds all things. He gives us rest when we are weary. He comforts , even the tiniest, of hearts when they are full of sadness. He gives us the gift of love, to share with our children, our friends, neighbors and our families.
As we become increasingly aware of our immortality, it can have a profound effect on us. We can choose to be consumed by fear and uncertainty or we can thank God, that despite the pains of this life, we have an eternal security. Here we will spend unhindered love, joy, peace and life to the full without the pain and suffering we regularly experience here.
Thank God for that! Thank God for Jesus!


Psalm 103:15-22


 15 As for man, his days are like grass,
       he flourishes like a flower of the field;
 16 the wind blows over it and it is gone,
       and its place remembers it no more.
 17 But from everlasting to everlasting 
 
     the LORD's love is with those who fear him, 
   
   and his righteousness with their children's children-
 18 with those who keep his covenant 

      and remember to obey his precepts.
 19 The LORD has established his throne in heaven, 
   
   and his kingdom rules over all.
 20 Praise the LORD, you his angels, 

      you mighty ones who do his bidding, 
 
     who obey his word.
 21 Praise the LORD, all his heavenly hosts, 
   
   you his servants who do his will.
 22 Praise the LORD, all his works 
 
     everywhere in his dominion. 
    
  Praise the LORD, O my soul.